This is going to sound pretty morbid. It's 4:41 PM EST. This morning a thought came into my head just after my wife left for work.
I don't know where it came from. But I've been dreading this afternoon, understandably.
It's very strange to know that it's going to end. There is so much more I want to do. And now I watch the clock sliding silently by in a little corner of this display while I help Logan with her homework.
4:44 PM
It's silly really to think that this is actually going to happen. I mean I have no reason to think that it would. I am basically healthy, I don't eat right some times, but I'm okay. I do smoke. Drinking is only occasionally, socially. So why this thought? Why would that come to mind?
I've played with the kids this afternoon. Said I love you a lot. Funny that something can bother me this much. I mean it's not going to happen. No. I shouldn't worry about it. The only thing I regret is that Mags isn't home. She'll be her after 5:00.
4:51 PM
I'm helping Logan write a speech on freedom. Something I prize greatly. If it all comes down to it, I am glad that I live where I live. I am free. No one really stops me from doing anything that I really want to do. I wander, I take pictures, I geocache. I spend time with the family. I have some really great friends. I have a great family.
I don't want to go.
4:53 PM
My ears are ringing.
Is it the anticipation of the next couple of minutes? I won't feel better until 5:01.
So silly to worry over. I still wonder why that thought would enter my head. I need to read with Logan for class tomorrow and finish her spelling. We are reading Freckle Juice tonight. I've never read it.
4:57 PM
I guess when all is said and done I've had a good life if it should come down to it. I have had adventure, I've served my country, I've married well and have two great kids.
But I want to watch them grow up. Maybe, just maybe, see a grand kid or two one day. I want the privilege of scaring the crap out of my daughters first date. And to raise Sam to be a man.
The ringing in my ears is so noticeable right now.
4:59 PM
Here it comes. I don't know what's about to happen but you got to read my last thoughts.
5:01 PM
My last minute would have been spent on answering a phone call about an appointment for my son on Monday, which I will happily go to, because I'm still here.
_________________
But come to think of it, we should live every minute like the last one we have. We never really know exactly when we are to expire.
What haven't you done yet?
You're going to die at 5:00 PM.
I don't know where it came from. But I've been dreading this afternoon, understandably.
It's very strange to know that it's going to end. There is so much more I want to do. And now I watch the clock sliding silently by in a little corner of this display while I help Logan with her homework.
4:44 PM
It's silly really to think that this is actually going to happen. I mean I have no reason to think that it would. I am basically healthy, I don't eat right some times, but I'm okay. I do smoke. Drinking is only occasionally, socially. So why this thought? Why would that come to mind?
I've played with the kids this afternoon. Said I love you a lot. Funny that something can bother me this much. I mean it's not going to happen. No. I shouldn't worry about it. The only thing I regret is that Mags isn't home. She'll be her after 5:00.
4:51 PM
I'm helping Logan write a speech on freedom. Something I prize greatly. If it all comes down to it, I am glad that I live where I live. I am free. No one really stops me from doing anything that I really want to do. I wander, I take pictures, I geocache. I spend time with the family. I have some really great friends. I have a great family.
I don't want to go.
4:53 PM
My ears are ringing.
Is it the anticipation of the next couple of minutes? I won't feel better until 5:01.
So silly to worry over. I still wonder why that thought would enter my head. I need to read with Logan for class tomorrow and finish her spelling. We are reading Freckle Juice tonight. I've never read it.
4:57 PM
I guess when all is said and done I've had a good life if it should come down to it. I have had adventure, I've served my country, I've married well and have two great kids.
But I want to watch them grow up. Maybe, just maybe, see a grand kid or two one day. I want the privilege of scaring the crap out of my daughters first date. And to raise Sam to be a man.
The ringing in my ears is so noticeable right now.
4:59 PM
Here it comes. I don't know what's about to happen but you got to read my last thoughts.
5:01 PM
My last minute would have been spent on answering a phone call about an appointment for my son on Monday, which I will happily go to, because I'm still here.
_________________
But come to think of it, we should live every minute like the last one we have. We never really know exactly when we are to expire.
What haven't you done yet?
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